06 January 2003 - 9:19 a.m. And now it's time for Gary's rules for life. It's not dogma, it's just advice, OK? Be nice to anyone who handles, prepares or serves your food. It's not the stereo. It's the speakers. When you ask a question, don't preface the question with, "Question:" Don't buy the most expensive computer. Don't buy the cheapest computer. When in the food-court at the mall, always go to the stand or counter with the longest line. Buy the 6-pack of Samuel Adams Boston Ale instead of the 30-pack of Miller High Life. TURN OFF THE CAPS LOCK! If you're in a nice, expensive restaurant and the food isn't exactly what you wanted, ask them to fix it. If you're in a cheap, busy restaurant and the food isn't exactly what you wanted, just eat the damn thing. If you don't qualify, don't ever park in a handicapped parking spot--ever. If you can't define a word, don't use it. It is always your responsibility to avoid an accident. Don't say you support the legalization of marijuana because you think hemp makes good rope. The taste of the food is more important than the size of the portion. Don't cut down healthy trees. Get the proper tools. You can tell a lot about a restaurant by looking at its bathroom. Buy the phone with the buttons on the base instead of on the handset. Seek good coffee. You can see a great show for $5. Reciprocate. Make your parents laugh, no matter what it takes. Sometimes it's better to do it yourself. Sometimes it's better to hand someone a check. If you are invited, go. If you don't know how to pronounce a word, say it loud. (This one's from The Elements of Style by Strunk & White.) Read The Elements of Style by Strunk & White. Read The Elements of Style by Strunk & White again. You don't need an eight-passenger vehicle to commute to work. Ask yourself, "what would Jesus do?" Ask yourself, "what would Jean-Luc Picard do?" Learn to draw the figure. Then abstract. Don't waste your time hating some singer, band or style of music. If you've ever worn a foam finger at a sports event, or painted your skin the colors of your favorite team, don't ever make fun of Trekkies. If it's funny, laugh your ass off. If someone says that you look terrible in a photo, it's a compliment. Appreciate any gift you're given. When talking about art, never say the words: sucks, cool or nice. If you're working on a computer, save your work often. If someone hasn't seen the movie, you can ignore their opinion of it. It's better to be too busy than bored. It's not the size of the TV. It's the quality of the picture. Edit. Edit. Edit. The question, "is it art?" is meaningless. People who disagree with your political views are not evil. Just kiss her, already. (0) Comments?